I won’t lie… this level of changes is crazy hard.  We are closing out week 4 of the total change. I am finding so far that keeping myself from feeling defeated is the hardest part. Exercise is going well and I’m learning through trial and error how much a 30 minute session will affect my blood sugar so its easier to determine how much exercise I need or whether I need to eat something small first. I just recently finished reading Buddha’s Brain and learned a lot there about how to create my own happiness and rid myself of negativity.  I’m learning a few other things too. The most important lesson to date was something I already knew but Beth decided to remind me of…..
Beth: So Mom, you’re making healthy life changes.
Me: Yep.
Her: And because you are they are trickling down to us.
Me: Yes. (Aren’t I so eloquent??)
Her: I just want to say thanks, Mama. You’re doing great.
There wasn’t any more to that conversation because well, I sat there stunned as she walked away. Kids see everything. We’ve all head it, its very true. They are seeing it all. My kids are finding ways to keep me motivated at the moments when I’m sure I’m wasting my time (and The Divine Ms. M’s time). *Editor note: going forward The Divine Ms. M will be shortened to TDMM, no.. seriously…*) So here’s a list of my struggles so far. This list will be followed by what I see as my successes.
I haven’t lost a damn pound. This is my biggest roadblock to positive thinking. I mean really, I’ve been working my ass off for 5 weeks now and I have no weight loss to show for it. None. Zip. Nadda.
My joints hurt. In ways I didn’t know they could and its not helping encourage me to exercise.
Eating healthier is seriously more expensive.
Really that’s about it for struggles but they are huge struggles. They seriously mess with my head.
My blood sugars are almost always perfect and I’ve already had a reduction in medication.  (Yes, this is HUGE)
My children are eating healthier and trying new things. They don’t always like them, but they are in fact trying.
The kids’ daddy and I have both seen a reduction in meltdowns, more patience, and less hyperactivity in the kids. (Also HUGE… like massively huge)
Beth has had just two (really, not lying) psychotic episodes in 5 weeks. Just two. And they were small. And didn’t involve tantrums, and she didn’t need Benedryl.
I can go up and down the stairs several times without getting winded.
Someone I hadn’t seen in a few weeks told me my skin looks healthier.
I’m afraid of high fat contents. (really… its actually a little pathetic)
I’m beginning to understand what friendship is.
So tonight the nutrition fairy stopped by again. As I was unpacking what she brought (I forgot to take pictures) I found myself studying everything. What made it good? Why was it better than what I was already buying? Is the price something I can work with?
What I realized partway through is that I’m learning in huge amounts. I’m learning what to buy and where. I’m seeing where the differences lie between what TDMM provides. I’m learning how to ask questions about what to buy. I’m starting to see where I can make adjustments to fit into my budget. I’m learning how to present some things to the kids.  I’m starting to understand how to do better even if I can’t afford to do awesome. I’m reading labels in the grocery store. And I’m truly understanding what I’m after.
As for understanding what friendship is…. TDMM is teaching me this too and she may not even realize it.  The book taught me a lot too, but she is showing me in ways I’ve never imagined and I’m starting to feel more comfortable reaching out to people and building a community for myself and my children. We are more than likely going to need a strong community that we feel comfortable with sooner than later.
The struggles definitely have sucked, but the benefits are far outweighing the struggles. I guess I needed to write it down to see it!

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