Where has time gone? !

Seriously this has been such a quick month!  It has flown by and I haven’t done a lot of what I wanted to which includes keeping up here.  I may need to schedule myself a time slot to write!

I’m doing okay!  Things have been rough for me emotionally.  Lots of things things just piling up and getting the best of me. Beth has been struggling too which makes it even harder to get a grip on myself. 

I started exercising using the slim in 6 workout.  It’s been almost a week and I see real changes. I’ve also been reading Made to Crave which is a book that ties Christianity into changing lifestyle. I’ve found the book to be incredibly helpful. 

My spring semester has started at school. I’m in the final 4 classes of my Associates degree. Two of the classes I’m taking at the big campus and two are online.  The big campus gives me massive anxiety but I’m working through that because this is the final stretch of this degree.

Exercising is leaving me with a fantastic achy feeling. I really really like this achy feeling. I don’t think there are words to express how much I enjoy it. I’m pretty sure that makes me weird but I’m okay with being weird. Tonight I did 34 minutes and all 34 minutes were very challenging. It was a welcome challenge that has left me with a very welcome soreness.

I’m going to go read for a bit. I have class in the morning!

Hope

Originally when I started blogging, I was focused solely on what it was like to parent/raise children with unique quirks. Admittedly I found that task too complex. I don’t ever want to over-share and stop on my kids’ privacy and with Beth being 9 it is becoming harder to define what is my story to tell and what is her story to tell. I want to share how psychosis affects our lives and the lives of the children who battle this demon, and I will continue to. I will just do so in a way that won’t humiliate or embarrass her. As I settle into writing I will be covering more about RAD because that is one that needs more awareness.

So what will I be talking about? I am going to switch focus and talk more about my journey back into Project Me. Project me started as a simple plan between friends. A friend I hadn’t had any real contact with since high school. We reconnected over barefoot sandals. A short Facebook conversation over that transaction led to an offer that made me cry. 

As I said yesterday, 2013 started out miserably. When M said she was going to help me, face to face, get a grip on my health I literally cried. I’ve had people whom I love dearly try to help me long distance but may times I need to actually see it. M proved to have great ideas and a huge amount of patience. Unfortunately for the both of us no amount of patience and doing what is “right” was making any real difference. I decided to try an IUD to regulate my cycle and true to my body that made things so much worse. I lost most of my hair, gained more weight than anyone ever expected, blood sugars skyrocketed and we were forced to add on a second insulin. This was so, not, helpful. 

And that leaves us right here. January 2, 2014. And today, we try again. I have an appointment with an endocrinologist on 1/10/14. I will not let this win. Together, with M and my main support systems, we will beat this and I will change my life. This is my year to succeed. I will be documenting my journey here. I hope that getting healthy will answer a lot of my own questions about how my body works, will answer questions for other people who have large amounts of weight to lose, and will gain knowledge and insight into this process for a lot of people. I hope to see an improvement in my anxiety and depression. 

I invite you all to join me, leave me comments, follow along in my journey. 

2013

Is over! 

Wow, what a year it was! It started out pretty stressful and not so great. A series of choices, mostly narrowing down to poor decisions and misplaced trust, left me in a not so good place. I didn’t listen to those I should have trusted most and put my trust into a few people who didn’t deserve it. 

By May things started to turn around. I finished the spring semester of college with decent grades, I had reconnected with family, I started re-honing my parenting skills and slowly working my way out of the mess I had gotten myself into. 

In June I re-connected with an old friend who has some mad skills that I need. The Divine Miss M has truly blessed and enriched my life and the kids’ lives. I noticed not so long ago that even though Project Me derailed in a horrible, fiery crash, the kids have done better than ever before. We didn’t spend huge amounts of money on trips and parties. We spent next to no money on these things and still had an incredible summer. And the kids surprised me at every turn and handled everything in stride. Beth has had 3 (yes, just 3) major meltdown/psychotic moments all year. Just 3. Over the last couple of years she was having 3-5 a WEEK. In all of 2013 only 3 come to mind. She’s had plenty of small ones, and that is to be expected, but so few huge ones. It shows me that the decisions made this year in terms of parenting, nutrition, people we are hanging out with, and family involvement have been right for us. The girls’ therapists are astounded by the progress. One of the things I know helped is that we started going to church at Jolie’s insistence. Jolie picked the church that my sister attends and that has had a hugely positive effect on Beth. I hadn’t identified as Christian in a very long time but find that my spiritual beliefs are very comfortable being Christian and I can relate highly to the Divine.

Monkey started Head Start this year. He has blossomed socially and is the light of the party. He has so many friend and I’ve even made friends as I’ve joined a few committees and took time to get to know people. Jolie has had a fantastic time so far in 2nd grade and Peter has pretty much outgrown his IEP and will be moving on next year into mainstream kindergarten.

2013 has ended, but not before squeezing out a few last lessons. I still have much to learn but I look forward to the challenge in 2014.