… but everything is good. The kids have been doing very well and I started a blogging project on a giveaway type blog. If you want to know where I’ll be happy to share that with you!
As far as I go… it’s been a rollercoaster. The kids are great, better than ever actually. I have seen such strength and growth from them and I’m loving it. I, however, am struggling and have been struggling for some time now. I can’t get out of my own way, it seems. I really felt like I was spiraling out of control but then I made a conscious decision to live with intent. And living with intent has brought me back to my Christian roots.
Wow. I made that sound really simple. Truthfully it wasn’t simple at all. It was a complicated process and I attempted to deny almost every step of the way. I think I’ve written before about how Jolie decided that she wanted to go to church, and how that relentless child nagged me and drove me up a wall until I agreed to take her. And I may or may not have covered how much Beth settled down since attending church and how she openly talks to us about God helping her to control her hallucinations and delusions. Xander and Peter really don’t care where they are but they do think that church is tons of fun and like the activities. So we started going. The kids joined the children’s choir and started participating in activities. I had a sit down with the Pastor and talked about mental illness because I really didn’t want to find out later that mental illness was going to be a problem. He was more than happy to assure me that none of what I told him would ever be a problem and the church has definitely lived up to that statement.
But where did that leave me? Truthfully, that left me going through the motions. I gave up on organized religion in my late teens. By the time I hit my mid 20s I was identifying as Pagan predominately. I still hold to a lot of those values and truths but I have found myself over the last month or two leaning closer to God. I have been reading books that have helped me work on areas of myself that desperately need work. Anyone read “Unglued” by Lysa TerKeurst? Yeah, this one was a huge eye opener. I just finished it the other night but it is one I’m probably going to re-read. It has helped a ton so far and I bet I can get even more out of it a second time. I’m finding myself craving the next book.
So I was doing this reading and praying and really getting comfortable in my faith, but I was holding back being public with it and holding back on having my children baptized, despite the fact that 3 of the 4 keep begging for it. It took me awhile but I did finally realize that I didn’t want to offend anyone. While I still don’t want to offend anyone, I do want to share my faith too, in my own little corner of the internet. I respect everyone’s beliefs and often enjoy seeing others talk about their beliefs especially if they differ from mine. So, I’m not going to be going out of my way not to offend anyone. I love all of my friends and I truly believe that none of them would be offended by beliefs that don’t match their own.
Project Me. The spirituality has been a huge part of Project Me. I have also been working on some relationships I had handled poorly, cultivating some new friendships, and I’ve had a few med dosage changes for my diabetes. Aside from that (which is huge, I think!) there’s nothing new to report there.
For now I’m focused on a 6 week cooking class I’m taking, finishing out the semester and graduating with my Associates Degree, and finishing my Internship placement. Here are some pictures of things we have been up to:
We had a litter of kittens! Peter isn’t too impressed but he likes that kitten!
Beth is going to be in a school musical (hopefully… she’s still on the fence… paranoia)!
Jolie has big plans for her life! And they change daily.
Xander is turning 4 soon!